What these pictures don't tell you is that the past couple of weeks have been a struggle. My husband was nearing a burn-out, I cry almost every morning out of frustration because getting Rafael and the dogs and myself ready to leave the house feels like an almost impossible feat, and I feel disconnected to my friends and family.
What these pictures don't tell you is that what I really truly desire is to connect deeply and truly with people; to understand and feel understood; to support and feel supported.
What these pictures don't tell you is that I have selfish material desires, like a big lovely home surrounded by land and trees. I try to be content with what I have, it's more than I dared to wish for in the past. But fantasies creep up into my mind, no matter how hard I try to focus on my blessings.
What these pictures don't tell you is that I don't know what I'm doing sometimes. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing for my son, for my dogs, for my husband, for my friends, for my family, for my self.
What these pictures don't tell you is that I get pangs of jealousy when I look at pictures on Instagram. And then I feel guilty for feeling jealous.
What these pictures don't tell you is that I have gained back 7 of the 25 pounds I lost.
What these pictures don't tell you is that I worry. I worry so much and so often!
What these pictures don't tell you is that my most meaningful relationship is with my son. It scares and overwhelms me how significant and important he is to me. It frightens me how much I love him. It baffles me that this person, who is so tiring, demanding, and exhausting, can be the light of my life and the one thing in my life I know to be true and good.
xoxoxo
I wish I could join you for one of those walks. Although between your sweet pea and my two nearly three year olds, it would be quite a feat for us to get out that door! Love, Catherine
ReplyDeleteThe last paragraph rings true for me, too. My girls exhaust and frustrate and delight me. Sometimes I catch myself looking at the clock, wanting bedtime to hurry up! ...But, I always miss them while they are sleeping.
ReplyDeleteWhat this post doesn't tell us, is that all your feelings are normal and sane! Life is a heavy load, baby steps! Hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteHow well I remember the days when I had the same frustrations! Sending hugs your way, Dawn!
ReplyDeleteThere are always seasons in life and sometimes they are joyful ones and then there are times of growth and stretching. I always find I am happiest when life is simplest. :) Whats your name on Instagram?
ReplyDeleteThat's very true. My Instagram name: wildflowersherbsandedibles
DeleteThis hit a cord today,Dawn. That last paragraph especially......it's overwhelming sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Dawn! ...Please read just one page in the book I left for you today. One page. Can you do that? Love you...M
ReplyDeleteWhat this does tell me is your feeling like lots of people. You're not alone. I have to say, I'm old enough to be your mother and I can totally understand how seeing beautiful homes and what looks like perfect lives could make a person insecure!!
ReplyDeleteNo worries! You are a great gal! I love your blog and pictures! Thanks for sharing Roxy
ReplyDeleteWhat these photos do tell is that you are able to step outside your door into a world of beauty, peace and calm, a place that you and your son hold very dear and share together. That is worth gold and is far better than any fancy house or all the things you wish for.
ReplyDeleteLife can be so overwhelming sometimes .... the fear, the struggles, the pains and the heartaches. And on the other hand, it can be so beautiful that it fills your heart with so much happiness and contentment that you feel you might burst.
You're not alone .... I could have written these words myself.
Sarah xoxo
I think we can all say we share some of the same feelings, Dawn. Life is like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs. I usually tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day, and it usually is.
ReplyDeleteClaudia
I love your photos, always - and also admire your authenticity here. Life is so much a case of "bitter mixed with sweet" in my experience. Hold onto the joy and contentment, and try to be easy on yourself. And have grace with those around you. 7 lbs is not a big deal either -- I think it happens with the changing seasons so easily. Just be healthy, that is all that matters.
ReplyDeleteListen to me, I sound like a mama!
Praying for peace of mind for you - if you feel there are burdens weighing you down, turn them over to the Lord who loves you more than you could possibly imagine.
Oh Dawn- such beauty, truth and honesty in your words and photos. You mean so much to me, and I want you to know that. I think of you often...
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why, but sometimes I think it is good for us to "go there"... to go to the feelings that don't necessarily feel good, the insecurities, the fears... because it teaches us how to be strong and thankful for what we have.
You inspire me... xox
Oh wow, those dog photos are adorable!!
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is why I love this blog so much. When we hear you say the same things that we, ourselves, have felt and are feeling, it connects us all. Thank you for being real. I had a year of troubles and trials, and it has truly opened my eyes to the fact that beneath every pretty thing, there is usually some sort of pain. No one really knows what others are suffering through. I try to remind myself of that fact in this digital age where we are surrounded by gorgeous, but edited pictures of the lives of others. These beautiful, lovely, seemingly perfect people are just that...people. It helps me to accept myself and love others better when I remember that. Your post was an excellent reminder of that for me.
ReplyDeleteMay God grant you growth in the struggles and a deep inexplicable peace if you rest in Him. May the times of joy be many. And may your love for your son teach you how deep the Father's love is for you......And if you don't mind, I'll be praying the same thing for myself. :)
Raquel
You're not alone! Sounds exactly like me ! I post pretty pics on my blog to remind myself of the blessings I have & often read my own blog to focus on the good. I have a son who is my best friend, 3 dogs that take a lot of energy & feel disconnected from friends n family & the hubby and I need some time for us!!! So you're not alone! :) I don't know you but I do love seeing the pics on your blog n reading your honest words!
ReplyDeleteDawn, about your dream house with the surrounding trees. Here my two cents.
ReplyDeleteI'd not worry so much about not being grateful for what you've got already. I'm sure you are. Rather, for now, I'd view the dream house as the perfect fantasy about who You want to grow into or, better yet, who You are already at your essence. The house is: Your Being put in the form of a house.... it's about You, Dawn. Your own Being. Your potential that has not yet fully reached your consciousness. Grow into it with joy. Love the fantasy house as you love You.
Hope that makes sense.
Hug from Barbara
My first visit to your blog and am refreshed by yoyr realness. We are all fragile and going through some type of suffering. This is why it is important to me to seek beauty, peace, and kindness ...to give and to behold. You are not alone in your tears.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you Dawn! Your writings are filled with a rare honesty that most of us rarely reveal. Here's to a brighter day for all hard working mothers! xoxo ♥
ReplyDeleteGreat to know I'm not alone. Therefore, neither are you. Trust me, it's a woman thing. What this doesn't tell us is how old you are. I'm guessing somewhere in your 30s. I say this because I remember all those exact same feelings. All I can tell you, now that I'm in my 50s, all those feelings go away. It gets easier :-)
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling, there is a beautiful view over that hill!
Di
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